a couple (a literal couple, not “a couple” as in “a few”) nights ago, my friend told me he saw a clip of me doing standup on youtube. seeing as i’ve been unsuccessful in recording a clip that seems worthy of uploading, as well as knowing myself to be cyber-retarded these last few years, i expressed surprise, and asked him what the clip was of. after a few moments characterized primarily by the sensation of rising dread, i realized that my friend had actually seen a clip of what can most charitably be described as a lightly-attended performance at a legitimacy-challenged establishment last fall in vacaville (i know. impressed?).

while there might be some value to be mined from the experience of being cyber-shamed, i was still horrified by the thought that any youtube search for me would return this particular video. i admit: i haven’t yet been able to bring myself to view the video. my memory of that night is tinged with neon, poorly-executed halloween costumes, a couple barren rows of folding chairs, and not being able to apply the drink tickets i received as a performer to whiskey. i do remember everyone was very nice. but still: not the kind of thing i particuarly feel like reliving right now.

anyway, i was spurred to action: why not counter the existence of an embarrassingly bad video of me doing comedy by uploading aNOTHer bad video of me doing comedy? but THIS time, the video would be of me doing a lackluster set at a well-known comedy club in san francisco. in uploading this video, i sought to explore the notion of not-so-successful comedy sets, and invite the viewer to consider the range of enviromental factors at play when watching the two videos side by side.

furthermore, i sought to alter the power dynamic–instead of letting someone else upload a crappy video of me and defining my cyber-identity, i engaged in a reclamation of identity-development, recognizing the power i had to actually take the initiative myself, and upload a crappy video of me.

how i am empowered.

so here it is: the first video i’ve ever uploaded to youtube, in all its mediocre glory: